Archive for November, 2014

T-Minus 1,000,000 Seconds

Posted: November 30, 2014 in Uncategorized

I have 1 million seconds remaining until I walk out of here. Set your stopwatches.

Thank God I’m In Prison!

Posted: November 27, 2014 in Uncategorized

I never thought I would wake up thankful that I’m in prison, but today that most definitely happened.

I had a dream last night that I was given a 1 day furlough for something (don’t remember exactly what it was for), but in my dream I forgot to go back to prison at the end of the day. In my dream I wake up the next day and think, “Oh crap! I forgot to go back to prison… they are never going to believe I forgot.”

So yeah, anyway… super stoked to not be a furlough escapee today. πŸ™‚

Farmer Shawn

Posted: November 21, 2014 in Uncategorized

Because I’m pretty awesome, Mr. Dunham gave me a certificate today… Something along the lines of, “Outstanding Excellence In Horticulture”.

Basically I’m maybe the best volunteer they ever had (I assume so anyway). lol

Either way, something to frame and put in my office when I get home.

Last Commissary Day

Posted: November 18, 2014 in Uncategorized

Today is my last commissary day, so I’m stocking up on Diet Coke, dried apricots and popcorn so I have enough until I’m released.

They cut you off from commissary a few weeks before you’re released so they can consolidate all your money to give to you when you walk away.

Bye commissary!

Reading Certificate #3

Posted: November 17, 2014 in Uncategorized

Just got confirmation that I can still read. Just got my third reading certificate here for finishing my 30th book.

It should look good on my resume.

Bingo Was My Name-O

Posted: November 16, 2014 in Uncategorized

We have bingo here every month, although this is the only the second time I’ve played in it (I’ve always coincidentally had a visit on bingo days so I miss it).

Anyway… I won, so I get $10 towards commissary. Which is cool because, you know… you get the credit in 6 weeks… WHEN I’M GONE.

Oh well, hopefully if I ever come back to prison, I get my $10 credit. πŸ™‚

Lost 35 Pounds

Posted: November 9, 2014 in Uncategorized

Errrr… I was going to try to lose 25 pounds while I was here, and now I’ve lost 35 pounds. Which means I came in at 208 and I’m not 173.

I should probably stop losing weight now (I’m 6’0″).

I’m not going to name any names, but there is most definitely a correctional officer here that can’t read English. When he gives out mail, he hands every single piece to an inmate to read the name out.

I would think English proficiency should be a qualification for working here, but I guess not.

Pending Release

Posted: November 1, 2014 in Uncategorized

Well, my assigned job was officially changed to “Pending Release”. Meaning I don’t have to work at my lame recreation job anymore. Plus it’s just nice to see “Pending Release” next to your name on paperwork. πŸ™‚