Evil Doer

The head orderly was handcuffed and taken out of our dorm today while we were watching football. Apparently he had a cell phone and he’ll be spending awhile in the SHU and probably not come back to camp when he’s done (real prison for him).

Funny how a cell phone seems like it would be worse to have than any other sort of contraband.

That’s the bad news for him… the bad news for everyone else in our dorm is that we were first place in inspection the last 2 weeks so we got free soda and popcorn (and get to eat first), so that’s probably going to come to an end since the head guy for that stuff is gone now.

Three inmates went missing today. There are no fences here, but I’m sure everyone was properly screened to not be a “flight risk”, so my guess is that our location out in the middle of nowhere makes a perfect place for a UFO to swoop down and abduct human beings.

Wherever in the universe you guys are, may God bless your soul. And watch out for the anal probes.

I really don’t know why this makes me laugh, but it does. There is a short Mexican guy Vincent that is in the cube next to mine. I decided to walk out and check the board to see what was for lunch tomorrow and at the same time, he was going to the TV room… So basically I was following him down the walkway, and this is the “conversation” we had when he turned around and saw me behind him:

Him: Are you following me?
Me: Yes.
Him: I have a rape whistle.
Me: Okay.

I got a certificate today proving that I can read. I’ve read 10 books since I’ve been here, so I got a nifty certificate with a giant gold seal on it (so you know it’s legit).

It will look nice once I frame it and put it on the wall in my office.

Some Mexican guy in my dorm was missing during count. There are no fences here (as I have mentioned), so I guess he decided to just go home to Mexico or wherever he is from. I’d bet he was already in Mexico before they even knew he was gone at count.

So I saw something weird today… I was jogging around the track and saw two guys off in the distance just run away through a field. Yep… just ran away. lol. Don’t know who they are or anything, but they were definitely running off into the distance.

Apparently, they run off to the store or something and bring back “contraband” like cigarettes.

This place is weird sometimes. hah

Well, I accepted a job working at the outside recreation area. I’m the guy you come to if you want a baseball bat (or other things like yoga mats, medicine balls, jump ropes, etc.)

I didn’t particularly *want* this job, but without being able to officially get a job in horticulture, I was worried I would have been stuck in the kitchen and be forced to wake up at 3:30 am to go do whatever people do for the idiots that get up early enough to eat breakfast here (too early for me). 🙂

I’ll still be volunteering in horticulture though… it’s way more fun there.

There is a pretty extensive horticulture area here that we can work at for our “job”. I’m trying to get a job there, but so far they are full there. I’m sure it has something to do with workers being able to eat what they grow, and this is the time for things like watermelon, cantelope, peaches, etc.

Either way, I’m going to volunteer to work there for free (which is only slightly less than non-volunteers get paid) until I can get a normal job there.

The commissary here is straight pimpin’… You can get fruits, vegetables and all sorts of good stuff (carnitas, dried fruit, ice cream, etc.)

Although the first month you need to buy all your one-time items to get set up really (better clothes, radio, better shoes, etc.)

Either way, I’ll have no issues finding something good to eat any time I want.

So there’s a family of roadrunners that live around here… mostly spending their days snatching dragonflies out of the air.

Today, there were two guys out on the soccer field arguing about if one could run faster than one of the roadrunners or not. They bet an ice cream to settle the bet and then spent about 45 minutes trying to get the roadrunner to run in a straight line next to the dude. I’m fairly certain this was a losing proposition from the beginning. First of all, roadrunners are fast as hell… Second of all, a wild roadrunner will never run along side a person, it will just run at whatever angle puts it furthest away from you.

So yeah… good luck with your roadrunner footrace. I guess it’s an easy way to waste an entire day trying to get wild animals to race you. hah