Evil Doer

Well, one (of many) good thing about being here, is I lost 25 pounds since I’ve been here. I was hoping to lose 25 pounds the whole time I was here, but now I guess I can lose a little more before I come back to the real world.

So, there is a little irony in this one if you know anything about why I’m here…

When I first got here, I was assigned to a crappy 3-man cube with no window, right next to the bathrooms. Hearing toilets flush all night isn’t that cool. Neither is having an extra bed in the cube.

Anyway… there is a guy here who goes by “eBay” (I guess he’s your go to if you want to buy or sell stuff). He’s in a nice 2-man bunk away from the bathrooms and with a window.

Long story short is he asked me if I wanted to be his bunkmate, so I decided to move down there.

So yeah… my bunkmate’s name is eBay (really). lol

Well, 3 people were abducted by aliens last weeks, and this week 4 others went missing together. Probably word got out that the other 3 were abducted and they formed a search party to go find them.

That’s 8 people that have gone missing since I’ve been here, hopefully the 4 man search party is able to bring everyone back safely.

The head orderly was handcuffed and taken out of our dorm today while we were watching football. Apparently he had a cell phone and he’ll be spending awhile in the SHU and probably not come back to camp when he’s done (real prison for him).

Funny how a cell phone seems like it would be worse to have than any other sort of contraband.

That’s the bad news for him… the bad news for everyone else in our dorm is that we were first place in inspection the last 2 weeks so we got free soda and popcorn (and get to eat first), so that’s probably going to come to an end since the head guy for that stuff is gone now.

Three inmates went missing today. There are no fences here, but I’m sure everyone was properly screened to not be a “flight risk”, so my guess is that our location out in the middle of nowhere makes a perfect place for a UFO to swoop down and abduct human beings.

Wherever in the universe you guys are, may God bless your soul. And watch out for the anal probes.

I really don’t know why this makes me laugh, but it does. There is a short Mexican guy Vincent that is in the cube next to mine. I decided to walk out and check the board to see what was for lunch tomorrow and at the same time, he was going to the TV room… So basically I was following him down the walkway, and this is the “conversation” we had when he turned around and saw me behind him:

Him: Are you following me?
Me: Yes.
Him: I have a rape whistle.
Me: Okay.

I got a certificate today proving that I can read. I’ve read 10 books since I’ve been here, so I got a nifty certificate with a giant gold seal on it (so you know it’s legit).

It will look nice once I frame it and put it on the wall in my office.

Some Mexican guy in my dorm was missing during count. There are no fences here (as I have mentioned), so I guess he decided to just go home to Mexico or wherever he is from. I’d bet he was already in Mexico before they even knew he was gone at count.

So I saw something weird today… I was jogging around the track and saw two guys off in the distance just run away through a field. Yep… just ran away. lol. Don’t know who they are or anything, but they were definitely running off into the distance.

Apparently, they run off to the store or something and bring back “contraband” like cigarettes.

This place is weird sometimes. hah

Well, I accepted a job working at the outside recreation area. I’m the guy you come to if you want a baseball bat (or other things like yoga mats, medicine balls, jump ropes, etc.)

I didn’t particularly *want* this job, but without being able to officially get a job in horticulture, I was worried I would have been stuck in the kitchen and be forced to wake up at 3:30 am to go do whatever people do for the idiots that get up early enough to eat breakfast here (too early for me). 🙂

I’ll still be volunteering in horticulture though… it’s way more fun there.